I often experience clients struggling with being alone or feeling loneliness. With this article, my goal is not to get into the semantics of this word, but to bring awareness to what this may mean for you. 

The experience of loneliness can often stem from unresolved issues or trauma from the past, particularly from childhood. The feeling may show up in your life at any age, presenting as abandonment, rejection, anxiety, etc. When it does, you may not understand where it is coming from and feel you don’t fit in, cannot find the right person to be a part of your life, or that you have nobody with whom to share your life, leaving you feeling unworthy, insecure and out of control.

With these emotions, some of us may have the reaction to pull away even more, creating a life of isolation which leaves us feeling bitter, angry and resentful about how life is hard and how unsupported or misunderstood you feel by those close to you. This is a dysregulation of the mind, which in turn, can create dysregulation of the body, causing dis-ease and disconnection.

The greatest strength of an individual is to be by themselves for extended periods
of time.

Your loneliness may also have you over- or under-doing things, rushing through life, hurrying your daily duties or hurrying others by presenting impatience. You may be filling your day with things to do, but not really allowing yourself the time and space to enjoy them. With this, the outcome may be clumsiness, procrastination, having accidents or issues with others; there is much dysfunction. 

My dear friend, trying to fill your loneliness by looking for a companion or anything outside of yourself is not the solution; it will never be enough. 

I am not here to fix you; you don’t need fixing. I am here to let you know that you are worthy of being loved; you are strong enough to handle life on your own terms. And I want to invite you to move to the melodious rhythm of your own beat, embrace it even if you think it may be a bit off. You don’t have to run away from the sadness and pain anymore. Look at it, allow yourself to see that it is only a thought; bring that thought back to your body and recognize it; feel where you are tense, blocked and not acknowledging the discomfort; breathe and let it pass; come back to the present. 

Keep doing this until you find yourself in a place that you can see that you are exactly where you need to be – and life is a blessing. Allow yourself to see that you, too, can be happy. This, my friend, is mindfulness. 

As actress Ellen Burstyn so eloquently said, “What a lovely surprise to discover how un-lonely being alone can be.”

Dipika is a crossroads specialist, holistic health and lifestyle coach who empowers her clients to activate a balanced life of mind, body and soul. She can be reached at [email protected] or www.loveyourlifehealthy.com

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