To look for tropical fruit in the arctic is a waste of time. If you wish to see soaring birds, you must lift your eyes from the ground. Without knowing where to look, you can’t expect to find what you’re looking for. Why are you still looking for ways to be stronger than those situations which overwhelm you? The problem is you’re looking for answers in the wrong places. The solution is to look in a new direction.

When we find ourselves feeling angry or worried in some way, we tend to ask familiar questions. But these personal inquiries are not what they seem. They are really answers disguised as questions…not actually asking anything, but instead just confirming that we already know where to look –for whom–or what–is to blame for our shaky feelings. And in that instant when we’re able to name the cause of our conflicted feelings, there’s something else that’s secretly confirmed: the source of what’s making us shake, or ache, rests outside of us.

And it’s this self deception which keeps us looking in the wrong direction; where we remain a perpetual victim in search of victory never found.

Try this–When faced with shaky, achy, conflicted feelings, look within. Ignore those pointed thoughts telling you where to lay the blame. Let your attention fall back upon yourself . To look in the right direction, consider these questions:

Stop asking in secret defeat: When will these unpleasant circumstances in my life finally change?

Start consciously asking: What is it in me that only feels worthwhile when circumstances warrant it? What is it that I have to change? What action steps do I have to take?

Stop asking in secret defeat: Why can’t you see that you’re wrong?

Start consciously asking: What is it in me that just doesn’t feel right until it’s certain someone else knows it is? What is it in me that only knows how right it is by the measure of its anger?

Stop asking in secret defeat: Where is this scary situation going to lead?

Start consciously asking: What is it in me that can only hear what fear has to say about a possible event?

Ask yourself your own questions which you sense may point you in the wrong direction and then turn them around to point yourself in the right direction!

Jasenka Sabanovic is a Certified Life Coach and owner of Coaching to Vision offering individual life coaching and group workshops. www.coachingtovision.com