Imagine you’re in a meeting at work. A colleague interrupts you, dismisses your idea or makes a cutting remark in front of the group. You may feel embarrassed, hurt or even enraged, yet your mind goes blank. Hours later, you’re still wondering, Why didn’t I say something?

Most of us focus on this reaction and assume something is wrong with us. What we do not always realize is that our reactions may have much deeper roots.

Research in neuroscience has shown that a part of the brain called the amygdala helps store emotional memories and that severe stress can keep those memories emotionally charged long after the original experience has passed.¹ These emotionally charged memories can give rise to what I like to call “recycled emotions.” When something in the present reminds the brain of that earlier experience, the brain and body can react as though there is danger, even without us realizing it.

To our brains, danger can be physical, emotional, relational, financial, social or even something as simple as saving face. These reminders, or “triggers,” can bring up old feelings, like they did in that meeting. This is what we refer to as a trauma response.

Many people associate the word “trauma” with abuse, war or major tragedies. But trauma responses can also develop from emotional neglect, housing instability, high-conflict homes, chronic criticism, bullying or ongoing financial hardship.

When these experiences happen repeatedly or during important stages of development, they can shape the beliefs we carry and the patterns we repeat. This may look like shutting down during conflict, avoiding speaking up, expecting rejection, or staying on high alert, to name a few. These knee-jerk reactions can leave us feeling stuck because they often happen automatically, even against our best efforts. In other words, knowing better does not always mean feeling or doing better.

This is where eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) may help. EMDR is an evidence-based psychotherapy that helps the brain process memories that may still feel emotionally “stuck,” allowing room for healthier responses in the present.

The therapy uses bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, tapping or alternating tones, within a structured approach that targets specific memories and beliefs. It is one of the most researched trauma therapies with more than 30 randomized controlled trials demonstrating its effectiveness in adults and children.²

Although researchers are still studying exactly how EMDR works, one leading theory suggests that recalling a difficult memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation may help reduce the memory’s emotional intensity over time.² As those memories become less emotionally charged, the repeated patterns they once supported can begin to change.

That is when the shifts begin to happen outside of therapy. People who spent years avoiding difficult conversations begin having them. Those who convinced themselves that a dream is out of reach start pursuing it. Situations that once felt overwhelming become manageable. We begin to respond to the present rather than react to the past.

EMDR is not a quick fix, and it is not the right fit for every person. But if you have noticed repeated patterns in your life that you cannot seem to change, no matter how hard you try, EMDR may be worth exploring. It is not the only path to healing, but for many people, it becomes the one that finally opens the door.

Carolina Vasquez is the founder and executive director of Desert Insight, a Coachella Valley group therapy practice. Visit www.desertinsight.com. (License #120906). References available upon request.