Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are moments to celebrate the people who raised us, guided us, and, in many ways, still anchor our lives. They are filled with flowers, shared meals and memories. Yet beneath the surface, they also carry a quieter message, one we don’t often say out loud. They remind us that time is moving forward.

In health care, many of the most difficult moments do not come from illness alone, but from uncertainty. Studies show that when individuals have not communicated their preferences for care, families often experience higher stress, anxiety and decisional conflict during medical crises. In these moments, loved ones are asked to make important choices without knowing what the person would have wanted.

Families do not struggle because they lack love; they struggle because they lack clarity. When guidance is missing, even the most devoted families can feel overwhelmed and unsure, sometimes carrying the emotional weight of those decisions long after the crisis has passed. Advance care planning offers a different path, one grounded not in fear, but in understanding.

Research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association has shown that individuals who engage in advance care planning are more likely to receive care aligned with their wishes and experience improved quality of life. These conversations are not about preparing for the worst; they are about defining what matters most.

Organizations such as The Conversation Project encourage families to begin with values rather than medical details. In a vibrant community like the Coachella Valley, where an active, independent lifestyle is highly valued, defining what “quality of life” means to you is the most important step in ensuring that lifestyle is protected. These discussions should explore what brings meaning and purpose to life, what quality of life specifically looks like if health changes, and who should speak on your behalf if you are unable to do so.

While tools such as advance directives and POLST forms help document preferences, they are only as effective as the conversations that come before them. Together, they provide structure, but conversation provides clarity. Starting the conversation does not require the perfect moment. In fact, everyday moments can be the most meaningful. A simple question such as, “If something ever happened, what would matter most to you?” can open the door. These discussions often bring relief, not fear, because they replace uncertainty with understanding.

As we celebrate the people who have shaped our lives, we also have an opportunity to offer something lasting. Not something wrapped or purchased, but something far more meaningful: the gift of clarity. When we take the time to have these conversations, we ease the burden on those we love and ensure that their values guide the care they will receive.

Laurel Fuqua is a registered nurse, geriatric care manager and regional director with About Senior Solutions. She is passionate about helping families navigate complex health care decisions and can be reached at (760) 851.4494 or laurelfuqua@aboutseniorsolutions.com.

Sources: 1) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20332506/; 2) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18840840/