Over the years, research has shown us that those who struggle with self-love or self-approval have usually experienced some form of struggle in their childhood, which in return has impacted their self-trust, self-worth, and even self-motivation. This experience is not necessarily from abuse; it could have been neglect or lack of acknowledgement during the fundamental years of a child’s development.  

I share my personal case as an example. I had loving, controlling parents who wanted the best for my brother and me but did not have the right tools to support us the way we individually may have needed. This type of control and struggle may leave any child with a feeling of emptiness and loneliness from within. 

It took me many years to understand this on a deeper level. Through my 20 years of education and training, I was able to see why so many people struggle with finding self-love from within. I also realized that I was living my own life how my parents wanted to see me, not how I desired to see myself. It took a conscious effort and work to take back my own power and find my own value from within. 

Adulting can become frustrating as we evolve into adulthood. Add in the world of social media, and it’s easy to see how self-love and self-approval have gone haywire and are often misunderstood. The most common challenge with which I see clients struggling, is how to create a better relationship with themselves. Below are a few suggestions which may help you cultivate this relationship. 

Appreciate all the things you do

One of the practices I have all my clients do is to record their daily wins. This is an opportunity to see all the good things in your world, especially the most difficult situations. Recording daily wins will not only enable you to work toward your goals, but you may also get to see and watch life unfold the way you desired it to be, rather than spending your time on what has not been working in your life. 

See that you are good enough 

Find a way to see that what you are doing is good enough for you, not anyone else. If you are a chronic people pleaser, this is the perfect sign telling you to stop and see that you are worthy of your own love, and you do not need to seek approval from others. 

Learn to speak up for yourself and ask for what you want

Say what you mean and mean what you say. I know many times in my own life I have struggled with this. And the power of saying ‘no’ is huge, just as is the power of saying ‘yes.’ You do not have to explain yourself; know that you’re on the right path because you are clear within yourself. If you do not have clarity, get support and guidance to help you generate clarity. 

Reclaim your own power from within

Self-love and self-approval come from within, and nobody can give it to you but YOU. You deserve it. You are worthy of it. Are you ready for it?  

Dipika Patel is a certified holistic health coach and lifestyle practitioner who empowers her professional clients to activate an overall balanced lifestyle of mind, body and soul. She can be reached at (760) 821.3119 or www.LoveYourLifeHealthy.com.

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