Throughout the years, I’ve encountered many clients who repeat dysfunctional behaviors like they are on autopilot. They rarely question or challenge their choices because people usually do what is familiar. For many of us, the known is preferable to the unknown. We’re more likely to remain in dead-end situations than to deal with change. There seems to be a built-in resistance, and I believe, that if you resist, it persists. My mantra is that unless you explore it, you’re either going to become it or get into a relationship with it.
Resistance to change can come in many forms. Justifying or rationalizing can keep us entangled in a web of denial and negativity. Fear of the unknown can squash any opportunity for personal and/or spiritual growth. Feelings of low self-worth might make one cling to fear and the critical self, whereas a positive self-image can enhance the belief that if I leap, the net will appear.
Change can feel stressful and scary but taking risks doesn’t have to feel risky. It’s important to learn that being uncomfortable in your own skin can offer a plethora of opportunities.
In his Psychology Today article, “The Soil You Come From,” journalist Jeff Chu states, “Soil can be denuded and degraded, and it can be nourished and amended.” So too, can our views about change. We might see the human mind as a compost pile. The top layer of decomposing organic material can be compared to a traumatic past, but one can realize that underneath is a universe that “teems with so many life forms and so much potential.” Digging deeper into the soil, Chu notes, “the colors and textures began to change…the soil felt light and soft, almost fluffy… clean, fresh.” If one dares to dig deeper and chooses to let go of “impossible dreams, unhelpful illusions, bad habits and harmful longings,” the potential for living one’s purpose can be limitless.
The reasons for change must be compelling enough to outweigh the reluctance. Change is not always easy; it demands courage, introspection and the willingness to confront the unknown. Yet, the power of transformation lies in its ability to open doors to new perspectives and possibilities previously unseen. Unlearning the dysfunctional soft wiring of the mind (which comes in the form of negative fixed beliefs) and step into uncharted territory can be life-giving and life-sustaining.
I wrote the following to help inspire clients challenged with facing change:
If I decide to change
Might have to rearrange
Behaviors that at first seem strange
Like climbing a foreboding mountain range.
Healthy change supports a ripple or “butterfly effect” into the world around us. Maybe now would be the perfect time to spread your wings and fly.
Dr. Amy Austin is a licensed marriage and family therapist (MFC#41252) and doctor of clinical psychology in Rancho Mirage. She can be reached at (760) 774.0047.
Comments (7)
Dr. Austin, I am so grateful you’re my therapist! I remember the first time I really wanted to breakthrough something that was holding me back and I felt like I was going to die if I tried to assert myself or hold my own. Learning that we’re hardwired for safety and survival was groundbreaking, so of course, choosing to defy the status quo can feel frighteningly paralyzing. And it was for me. Until one day, the desire to be free overtook the fear. I’d say this little verse from Anais Nin captures what happened to me: “And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anaïs Nin
Christine, What a wonderful comment! Thank you so very much for sharing. We love Dr. Amy, too! Thank you so very much for reading.
Lauren Del Sarto
I always love what Dr. Austin has to say. Today’s article really hit home. Thank you for giving me the courage to try change today… After all, “without uncertainty and the unknown, life is just the stale repetition of outworn memories. You become the victim of the past, and your tormentor today is your self left over from yesterday…”
Oooh Robert! Your response gave me chills! Here’s to turning stale, repetitive memories into life changing and life sustaining experiences. Kudos to you for being open and willing to risk and reach!
Powerful words, Robert. Thank you so very much for sharing – and for reading Desert Health.
Lauren Del Sarto
I love it. Thank you for what you do. We all so appreciate it and are all so grateful.
Oh my goodness! Thank YOU for making my day…
In gratitude ~
Lauren