In the hustle and bustle of adult life, it’s easy to overlook the significance of friendships. Yet, these relationships play a crucial role in your overall well-being. Unlike the friendships of your youth, adult friendships often require more effort to maintain but offer profound rewards. They provide emotional support, ward off depression and anxiety and contribute to a sense of belonging and purpose. 

A group of close friends can buffer you from the stress and mental health issues life can bring. It’s not just about having many friends but having high-quality friendships that provide support and companionship. Adults with strong social connections have a reduced risk of many health conditions like obesity and high blood pressure and tend to live longer than those with fewer social connections. In fact, The Harvard Study of Adult Development found that quality of relationships is the strongest predictor of long-term health and happiness.¹

Unfortunately, the amount of time and energy to develop friendships as adults may seem overwhelming, which leads many adults to stay in existing unhealthy relationships or decide to forego social opportunities altogether. It takes about 50 hours of contact to form a friendship and closer to 200 to form a close long-lasting friendship.²

What are some strategies for making friends as an adult?

Be intentional. Adult friendships are created by design, not default. Decide you want to befriend more people and that you will give the time and energy it takes to develop successful friendships.

Leverage your hobbies. Nothing brings people together more than shared interests. Join clubs or groups that align with your interests, values and hobbies like a book club, Mahjong group, investment club or fundraising group for your favorite charity. These activities will naturally place you in the company of like-minded people, making it easier to strike up conversations and forge friendships.

Take a class. Education not only expands your knowledge; it also expands your social circle. Sign up for classes that interest you like painting, language courses, personal development or current events. These courses will provide a conversation starter with classmates who share your curiosity.

Take initiative to reach out to others. Don’t just wait for others to initiate a conversation. Most people are shy, so be assertive and say “Hi” first with a welcoming smile, give a sincere compliment, invite others to join in your plans.

Be patient and persistent. Building friendships takes time, so don’t be discouraged by setbacks or slow progress. Keep putting yourself out there, and don’t give up after a few failed attempts. 

Be open and say “yes” more often. Be open to new invitations and experiences, even if they push you out of your comfort zone. Saying yes to social gatherings, work events, or community activities increases your chances of meeting new people. Every friend was once a stranger!

Don’t gossip – be kind. Trust is the basis for any friendship. When you gossip about another friend, you are showing that you are not trustworthy. No one will trust that you are not gossiping behind his/her back when they are not present. The only thing to do behind someone’s back is give a pat!

Be a great listener. An anagram for “Listen” is “Silent.” Listening is a crucial skill in any relationship. Be Silent! Show genuine interest in others’ lives, ask open-ended questions and give them your full attention. 

Keep discreet information confidential. Some secrets are “juicy” and you may be tempted to share them. Don’t do it! Again, it will break the trust with your friend. 

More don’ts. Don’t be clingy. Don’t hog the conversation. Don’t gossip. Don’t talk about your health all the time. Don’t be negative. Don’t bring drama.

Implement the five-minute rule. The five-minute rule limits discussion about personal health issues to five minutes. Then the conversation must focus on other topics.

Be open minded and receptive to new people of all ages. Approach the process of making friends with a sense of curiosity, openness and gratitude, and you will expand your horizons and expand the joy in your life.

You have the power to turn strangers into friends, bringing magic into your everyday interactions. The good news? Friendships can be made and maintained at any age; it’s never too late to form new friendships or strengthen existing ones. Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.

Dr. Susan Murphy is a best-selling author, business consultant and speaker in relationships, conflict, leadership and goal-achievement. Her newest book, Leading Successful Teams: How To Create a Winning Culture, will be published this fall. Visit www.DrSusanMurphy.com.

References: 1) https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life; 2) https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407518761225

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