Do you find yourself repeating past hurts, habits and hang-ups? Maybe they only show up in some areas of your life, or maybe they are showing up in all areas. Maybe you think that it’s everyone else’s fault, and you did not create the experience you are having. Do you feel down and heavy because life is just too difficult and other people are not compliant with your requests? 

I am asking you these poignant questions as only you know the depths of your pain, guilt, shame and lack of forgiveness; only you can be honest with yourself to either limit yourself or to let yourself be free. 

Having worked with a variety of men and women over the years, I have noticed that one size does not fit all. Each experience, for each human being, is different. Everything said and heard is filtered in a way that the person can comprehend it. This, however, does not mean that the pain experienced will always be there and never go away. In truth, erasing it is not possible; the experience happened, but how you felt about it and how you feel about you now, may be holding you back from your best self. 

“Trauma is not what happens to you; trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you,” says author and family physician Gabor Maté, MD who specializes in childhood development and trauma. Thoughts and perceptions about your current situation are influenced by your past; however, in this immediate moment, whatever is happening within you has nothing to do with what is happening outside of you. 

If this sounds familiar, I empathize with you and can understand how many people have tried to embrace the idea that they are not their trauma, yet continue to struggle in the present moment due to the short comings of their past. 

Over the years, I have examined the common factors of these struggles through others and myself, and often see people live a very distracted life as a means of coping versus living “in the now.” Everyone wants to live a genuine and authentic life, however, when we are living with past trauma, our current life is often distorted by fear. This can hold you back from being your true self; a you that is full of love and gratitude knowing you are everything and have everything you need. This is a place of completely accepting yourself as you are; you, not your trauma. 

As Dr. Mate says, “We may not be responsible for the world that created our minds, but we can take responsibility for the mind with which we create our world.” 

Dipika is a Crossroads Specialist, Holistic Health & Lifestyle Coach, who empowers her clients to activate a balanced lifestyle of the mind, body and soul. She can be reached at [email protected] or

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