Caring for others can be filled with emotions. When you care, you are making a sustained emotional investment in another’s well-being. However, many of the emotions caregivers experience are stressful. According to the Family Caregiver Alliance, some of the primary emotions caregivers experience are anger, resentment, grief, sadness, frustration, guilt, loneliness and depression.

The care recipient may be a parent, spouse, child, relative or friend. Their needs often take precedence over your own, and your roles in the relationship may change. Many of these changes trigger stress for the caregiver and can include loss of the relationship as it used to be, difficulty maintaining other relationships and responsibilities, overwhelming demands and physical exhaustion, dealing with a complex health care system and lack of community resources, managing hard-to-have discussions about the future including financial planning and legal documents, and recognizing that life hasn’t turned out as you hoped.

The care recipient may also have strong feelings about receiving care. Life and health changes can affect their sense of dignity and independence. While you cannot change or fix their situation, you can be a stronger and more successful caregiver if you take action to manage your own emotions.

There are many facets to caregiving and each day can feel like you are in unchartered territory. Finding balance between exploring, coping, understanding and finding a way forward is necessary. Unless your care recipient has cognitive impairment that limits their abilities, try involving them in finding the best path to their care.

Dr. William Haley, a professor of aging studies at the University of Florida, was quoted in the New York Times saying, “There comes a point where every caregiver goes, ‘Oh, I’m on another planet now.’” Caregivers experience a rollercoaster of emotions that can feel unpredictable and jarring. As a result, they often feel they are falling short of their own and others’ expectations, and feel guilty that they are not doing enough.

Through every emotion, remember to be kind to yourself the way you would be to a friend. Self-compassion is essential to your overall well-being. It’s important for caregivers to recognize and acknowledge what they are feeling.

Suggestions for managing your feelings include:

Notice when you’re struggling. Ask yourself, “What are my strong feelings about? What are they telling me?” Extend tenderness and grace to yourself in difficult moments.
Read about others’ experiences and challenges with caregiving.
Set boundaries on how much you can do in a day. There are times when not everything is an emergency.
Talk with people you trust or a therapist who can listen and support you.
Join support groups which offer a safe and trusted place to share your feelings. These communities are available in person and online.
Use some quiet moments when your care recipient is restful or asleep to support yourself. Self-care is essential and can take any form that is good for you, such as taking a walk, reading a book, working on a puzzle, listening to music and meditating. Journaling is also a great way to express your thoughts, feelings and concerns.

Managing the emotional challenges of caregiving can be done compassionately and successfully with the right tools. Help is available as many organizations offer support, assistance, and counseling. Take action and make sure you have the emotional support you need to take care of you and your loved ones.

Arlene Gotshalk is the author of “CareGiving Toolkit” and can be reached at (831) 588.3373 or [email protected].

Sources: 1) https://www.familycaregiversbc.ca/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/final-draft-of-reprint-Oct-2006.pdf; 2) https://www.familycaregiversbc.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Our-Aging-Parents.pdf ; 3) https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/well/mind/caregiver-health.html; 4) https://www.caregiver.org/resource/emotional-side-caregiving